The Big, Mean, Smelly Giant That Hates Me

“Cormoran” by Arthur Rackham (1918)

Some days you just can’t get rid of a giant.  So what do you do?  Why, write to your local councillor of course!  Here’s a letter from a man with precisely that problem, for your reading pleasure.  Written on the 21st October 2016.

“The Big, Mean, Smelly Giant That Hates Me“

Dear Councillor Oberick,

As you may know, I live under the beanstalk. Yes, that beanstalk. It’s a god damn disgrace. And since said disgrace lies within the boundaries of your constituency, I feel the need to write you this very sincere and heartfelt letter of frustration.

I hate that big stupid beanstalk. I hate it almost as much as I hate the evil monstrosity that lives at the top of it. You know the one, the large cretin who feels that it’s perfectly acceptable to twat my sheep up like they’re balloons…