Keep It Down


-Turn it down! The broomstick was banging hard on the ceiling downstairs.

Disco John turned up the volume. Music should be loud. If that grumpy old man didn’t understand, it wasn’t his problem. Lazy old chump, he never went out. John hadn’t even seen him, ever, the four years he had been living here. What did he know about disco?

John rocked around the floor, trying out his latest moves. Soon he’d be back out there, impressing the chicks.

-Turn it the fuck down!

John didn’t hear it anymore, he just felt the pounding in the floor. He kept dancing.

Between songs he heard a knock on the door. Probably the neighbor again. The door was locked, so it didn’t matter. His brand new Audio Research D-150 amplifier made his hair fly, his blood pump. The knocking got harder. He could hear it over the music now.

-Keep it down, will you? John mumbled, turning the music up to full volume. The bass made the floor shake, the walls, his mind and heart.

There was something disturbing the rhythm. Something off balance, the room was shaking out of style. Disco John looked at the door. It was moving. Out of the entrance window he saw the neighbor standing on the veranda outside. Damn, was he ugly. No wonder he never went out. The slamming got harder, so hard the door was threatening to break.

-Hey! Be careful with the door!

The edges  were bulging in. The neighbor was making some horrible sounds outside, screaming louder than his speakers. Damn, was he pissed. And strong. Too strong. John held on to the door.

It was giving in. Tentacles came in over it, around the edges. John put his weight on.

-OK, OK, I’ll turn it down! Relax, dude!

The door gave in. John fell back, holding the door to keep the neighbor away as he came pouring in through the opening like toothpaste out of the tube.

-Calm down, dude! John crawled backwards into the room. The neighbor came in, his tentacles holding on to the walls.

-Calm down! I’ll turn it down, OK? John couldn’t be heard over the music.

The neighbor looked around the room. His eyes locked on the stereo in the corner. John’s new Skyfi Audio system. A grin spread over his hideous face. John waved his hands desperately.


A tentacle came down on the turntable. Another waved through the room, threw the speakers into the wall.

John  got up on his feet. ran towards his disc collection. He stumbled and fell. Before his eyes it was crushed to pieces. He was on his knees, holding his shaking hands out in the air.


-And keep it down! The neighbor turned around and left John running his hands through the pieces vinyl on the floor. His eyes were flashing from cover to cover, from piece to piece. He burst into tears.

There was nothing there to be saved.


The Legend of Jimmy Handplant


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