The Darkest Depths

fictionspawn Aak, , ,

The Darkest Depths.jpg

A smell of burning herbs filled the air. The old man had an evil grin on his face. He knew. My worst secrets, my most pathetic weaknesses. He started chanting a song in a strange language. The sound was sweet, yet bitter. The words smoothed my mind, made me feel strange. An emotion of melancholic beauty, a seductive call of love and lost memories.

I fell into the darkest pits of my mind, a dungeon of my deepest fears and sorrows. A world where the future was black without hope, my past so sad it had never been worth it and the present nothing but a horrible moment of despair. A bottomless abyss of sadness.

The old man laughed. I walked out to the cliff, looked down on the rocky waves far below. My salvation. The only solution. Then I jumped.

http://www.awakeninthedream.com/psychiatry-almost-drove-me-crazy-2/

https://grimscrypt.wordpress.com/2017/02/03/war/

Alone

Published by fictionspawn Aak

Norwegian trilingual writer and illustrator. Contact information in my Gallery.

36 Comments

  2. *I fell into the darkest pits of my mind, a dungeon of my deepest fears and sorrows. A world where the future was black without hope, my past so sad it had never been worth it and the present nothing but a horrible moment of despair.*

    The use of words is so beautiful. 👌

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  9. When I saw the title, I thought “sea monsters” which, by the way, I wrote on just yesterday. Then I saw it was about despair, which I wrote on just one story before, only that one had a completely different tragic ending.

    Depressed people often feel suicide is the only way out.

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    1. You got the message. The way we see the world often seems to depend more on our state of mind than the world itself. Funny thing, another mutual follower of mine, L A Vockins (a comment above) had a story some hours before called The Deep Dark 🙂

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  12. As someone who has battled severe clinical depression and suicidal thoughts the past couple of years, this story is actually an excellent allegorical representation of that evil voice in one’s head that tries to convince one that one is worthless and one should do away with oneself.

    Fortunately for me, I had found a true friend- a fellow blogger and writer- a woman who lives in Germany that I had never met outside cyberspace.

    Somehow intuitively she knew what I was going through and reached out to help me.

    She’d often post the following comment on my blog- You know I’d feel very sad if someday I’d come to WordPress and you weren’t here.

    Those comments always seemed to be able to silence that unconscious evil voice in my head that I should give in to despair.

    When I saw the movie Wonder Woman this summer, Gal Gadot’s portrayal of the super heroine seemed to remind me of my good friend in Germany.

    Then I thought, “Oh Chris, you’re letting your imagination run wild with you.”

    But a few weeks ago, I was having a chat with my friend in Germany who’s also the mother of 7 children.

    Out of the blue, she mentioned that she had taken her children to see Wonder Woman.

    She had to laugh she said because all her children told her, “Mommy, Wonder Woman is a lot like you in terms of your personality.”

    So it turns out that I wasn’t the only one who thought so.

    A strong woman and a fighter- like a super heroine- but someone at the same time capable of great kindness and compassion.

    I pray for those people who have those “evil man” voices in their head like the central character in this story but have no friends who go above and beyond the call of duty in reaching out a helping hand and speaking in a true voice of compassion that can silence the “evil man” voices in the heads of those battling severe depression.

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    1. Thank you for sharing. This story is based on an experience of mine, a failed experiment with anti depression pills. Due to some horrible events I was missing classes and exams in the university, and I went to the doctor mainly to get justification papers. He gave me these pills, and I was really down, so I thought I’d give them a try. After some days I still felt like like shit, and had lost all my creativity as well, so I thought I’d rather feel bad than being a zombie. I knew it could be dangerous to stop suddenly, but since they hadn’t really started working I thought it wouldn’t be a problem. I was wrong. This story is based on how I felt the day I stopped taking them. Obviously I did not commit suicide, but I’ve never been closer.
      I learnt a lot that day, and the next couple of days. The chemical balance in the brain can change your world completely. In the exact same situation your life can look either like in this story, or wonderful, depending only on what’s physically going on in your brain.
      So so hang in there, my friend, and remember when your down, the sadness and the darkness are more products of internal processes than the actual situation. Do not listen to the evil man, he’s full of crap 😉

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  14. Great comments section, helped me to understand why the story was so short (even if all of the stories are fairly short); thanks for some details, Aak. And, what a lovely sharing, “Dracul.”

    I watched one of the videos at the link for “thedream”/psychiatry…crazy.

    And when Levy said the abuse he experienced
    cuts the vocal cords, it reminded me that I think
    the child (who Jesus healed), I think it was a girl —
    with the deaf and dumb spirit — was abused; not
    listened to and subsequently not able to speak.

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